Night speaks in the softness of a whisper, gently coaxing her way in. She touches my skin with a breeze, plays with my feet and cradles my calves in her wild field grasses. Calm at first, She makes her move. I decide that this journey is mine. The darkness is secondary- only a temporary shock before transformation. My eyes adjust and I am at home, at peace.
Yet my peace in the shadow land is of a different source. She beckons with sweetness and leaves in savagery. I realize that my time in her home is sacred. Filled with fleeting possibilities, unjust rhythms. A place where pretending is not an option, and where my own predeceasing is ripped away.
I’ve toiled with descriptions for the peace I find in the shadow land. It is the land of my own demise, where I play huntress to the puzzles within and without. And once I allow myself to become enveloped by the huntress that night lures from me, I can finally scratch the layers of attachment.
The huntress, the She of my shadow, is aware of everything. Taking her aim with hawk feather arrows, penetrating my heart to a place of surrender. Feral. Primal. Alive.
This is a different kind of peace than is often discussed. It is feared, this feminine power of claiming peace in a place of power. The huntress is the archetype of Artemis, goddess whole unto herself. She is the maiden, the mother, and the crone in one, for each aspect of her strength lies in reclamation. The huntress has one goal, to claim what is hers. To devour what is no longer needed, only to transmute it into sustainable, creative, united energy.
Accessing the huntress was not always easy for me. I ran from her. I tried to hide from her in unhealthy relationships. If I was immersed in what I now see as the falsity of “unconditional love”. By placing this primal, seductive, sensually awakened energy into a container of no end, I unknowingly funneled my power further down. Until my hips began to ache. Until my right leg, the masculine side of the body, burned with the weight of buried desire.
She would often call to me in the week before my moon blood came. In her attempt to purify through her darkness, the way I now intuitively understand as absolutely necessary. She would come as a need to be alone. Physically, she came as a need to literally claw myself, as if I had talons. Just like a huntress would remove the pelt of her kill, only to ceremonially cook and devour, then using the skin to become an ally.
I thought that I was going crazy. And still, the more I pushed her down, the more irritable I became.
I thought that I could love my way out of this mess. That through rose quartz and meditating and smudging my room, I’d somehow be “free” of this energy.
It finally hit me one afternoon, ironically on the first day of this year, January 2016. I heard her voice.
She called to me to rip my heart to pieces. To tear everything into the shadows of solitude so that I may rise again. New woman, new aim.
And so I rose.
I had become very stagnant. Looking back, my resistance to moving the huntress energy was rooted in the way I wanted to be perceived. I truly thought that I was okay with the shadow energy. I thought I was “cool” with getting “down in the depths”. To some degree, I was, but I realized through two months of continual shadow work that I will always have more to release, more to rip up.
Here are some practices that helped me release my resistance and access the huntress:
Ritual Dance
This was probably the most helpful for me. Giving myself permission to blast extremely loud, sometimes tribal, emotionally penetrating music. Rolling on the floor, becoming the animal or the “victim” of the huntress. Then reversing this, lunging at my target. Which, by the way, when I got down to the core of it, was always my Self. I’d pound on my chest. Outside, if possible.
Imagining the energy moving up and out as opposed to down and rooted.
It took practice to truly let myself go there. Some days were easier than others, as with any healing journey.
As I said, I thought that I was going “crazy”.
But in the end, holding onto this would have proved more psychotic.
Stones/Crystals
Obsidian has been a huge ally for me during this journey. Traditionally used to cleanse negative energy and protection, it also works to release disharmony and resentment.
Smokey quartz, Merlinite, and Amber have also been helpful for me to carry.
And now, I carry Blue Lace Agate and Kyanite to stimulate my throat chakra in communicating my experiences in the underworld of the huntress.
Permission to be Alone
I needed a hell of a lot of alone time during my descent. Like, every social gathering felt like a huge trigger for me and I could barely stay present at all. Recognizing the beauty in the impermanence of it all helped, and I tried as best as I could to communicate to my loved ones that I was indeed okay, just tending to myself.
In any descent, it can be challenging to navigate social relationships and family obligations. By continually affirming and checking in with myself before each event or before committing to showing up, I found a flow of what felt best for me. This was mostly scheduling short social times and never during the full or new moon, because for me these were the most energetically potent times for my soul work.
I encourage you to go slow, and remember that every relationship you have will still be there upon your rising if it is meant to be.
A love note: If you are feeling overwhelmed by the amount of sh*t that lies buried, do not fear, dear one. You are always supported by the universe to transmute this energy for your highest benefit. Remember that She, the Goddess, the Divine Feminine, and the Huntress—is always seeking to balance.
image credit: evgeny freeone/shutterstock
The post The Seduction of the Huntress appeared first on Over The Moon Magazine.
